2014-02-17

Only an expert can deal with the problem


Now only an expert can deal with the problem
Cause half the problem is seeing the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
So if there is no expert dealing with the problem
It's really actually twice the problem.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem.

In America we like solutions. We like solutions to problems.
And there are so many companies that offer solutions
Companies with names like: The Pet Solution, The Hair Solution
The Debt Solution, The World Solution, The Sushi Solution.
Companies with experts ready to solve these problems.
Cause only an expert can see there's a problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem.

Let's say you're invited to be on Oprah and you don't have a problem
But you want to go on the show and so you need a problem
And so you invent a problem. But if you're not an expert in problems
You're probably not going to make up a very plausible problem
And so you're probably going to get nailed
You're going to get exposed
And you're going to have to bow down and apologize
And beg for the public's forgiveness.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem.

And on these shows, the shows that try to solve your problems
The big question is always: How can I get control? How can I take control?
But don't forget this is a question for the regular viewer
The person who's barely getting by, the person who's watching shows
About people with problems, the person who is one of the sixty percent
Of the U.S. population 1.3 weeks away, 1.3 paychecks away, from a shelter.
In other words a person with problems.

So when experts say let's get to the root of the problem
Let's take control of the problem cause if you take control of the problem
You can solve the problem
Often this doesn't work at all because the situation is
Completely out of control.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem.

Now sometimes experts lend you money
And sometimes they lend you lots of money
And sometimes when the subprime mortgages collapse
And banks close and businesses fail
And the crisis spreads around the world--
Sometimes other experts say:
Just because all the markets crashed
Doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad thing.
And other experts say: Just because all your friends were fired
And your family's broke and we didn't see it coming
Doesn't mean that we were wrong.
And just because you lost your job and your house
And all your savings doesn't mean you don't have to pay for the bailouts
For the traders and the bankers and the speculators.
Cause only an expert can design a bailout
And only an expert can expect a bailout.

Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert. Only an expert. Only an expert.
Only an expert. Only an expert. Only an expert.

And sometimes when it's really really really really hot and it's July in January
And there's no more snow and huge waves are wiping out cities
And hurricanes are everywhere and everyone knows it's a problem--

But if some of the experts say it's no problem
And if other experts claim it's no problem or explain why it's no problem
Then it's simply not a problem.

But when an expert says it's a problem and makes a movie about the problem
And wins an Oscar about the problem
And gets the Nobel Prize about the problem
Then all the other experts have to agree it is most likely a problem.

Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem.

Even though a country can invade another country
And flatten it and ruin it and create havoc and civil war in that other country
If the experts say it's not a problem and everyone agrees they're experts
And good at seeing problems then invading those countries
Is simply not a problem.

And if a country tortures people and holds citizens without cause
Or trial and sets up military tribunals this is also not a problem
Unless there's an expert who says: This is the beginning of a problem.

Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem.

Cause only an expert can see there's a problem
And seeing the problem is half the problem.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.


Laurie Anderson: vocals, percussion, keyboards
Rob Burger: keyboards
Eyvind Kang: viola
Lou Reed: guitar
Omar Hakim: drums
Peter Scherer: keyboards
Kieran Hebden: keyboards